I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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