his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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