youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
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So squirting runs in the family.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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