Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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