Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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