Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
