Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
a search helicopter?!
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
