You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
