I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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