I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
