i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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