It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
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So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
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So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize