i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
