Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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