I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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