The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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