I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
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his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
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Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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