you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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