new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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