Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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