When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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