i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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