I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
