I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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