I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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