I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
