I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize