Pants 0. Shit 1.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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