there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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