why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
