He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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