My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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