he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He felt like a one man threesome
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
