Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize