Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
