apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
