i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
