My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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