I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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