Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
