He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
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Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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