it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
