So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
