remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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