This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
