after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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