well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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