hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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