There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
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My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
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Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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