just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
