I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
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