I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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