apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
