haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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