my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
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Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
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the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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