I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.