Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
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The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
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It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.