He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.