I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
